tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7974290207396172582011-08-20T06:21:18.936-07:00-o-noreply@blogger.comBlogger11100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-797429020739617258.post-80067253113369085692009-03-05T10:09:00.000-08:002011-08-19T09:12:16.690-07:00What is the Shell Show? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);"><span style="font-style: italic;">The Shell Show</span> is a late-night talk show that for some reason books mostly Superheroes.</span> <br /> <br />Wait - so it's not a show about seashells? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">No, contrary to popular belief.</span> <br /> <br />What time is it on? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">11:35 PM EST, 12:46 AM LRH</span> <br /> <br />What's LRH? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">The time zone on L Ron Hubbard's yacht.</span> <br /> <br />Why can't I find it listed in my TV Guide? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Seriously, who still reads TV Guide? You probably can't find it listed because you hit your head on your Victrola after you tripped over your abacus.</span> <br /> <br />Ok fine, why can't I find it listed on my DVR? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">You will, just keep scrolling</span> <br /> <br />I've been scrolling for 45 minutes and I still haven't found it <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Wow you have a lot of free time on your hands. You should look into stop motion.</span> <br /> <br />What channel is The Shell Show on? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Channel Shut the Hell Up.</span> <br /> <br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 204, 204);">Does Shell only interview superheroes?</span> <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">No, he interviews the same stupid idiots you see on the other talk shows as well.</span> <br /> <br />How come your site doesn't have clips of any of those interviews? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Gotta save something for the <a href="http://shellshowblog.blogspot.com/">blog</a>.</span> <br /> <br />How do you get so many superheroes to appear on the show? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Roofies and blackmail.</span> <br /> <br />How can I get tickets to a taping? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Roofies and blackmail.</span> <br /> <br />Where is the show taped? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">You know Bruce Wayne's penthouse in The Dark Knight? </span> <br /> <br />Yes. <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Not there.</span> <br /> <br />Why does the Shell Show look like poorly produced stop motion? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Have you ever used a cell phone?</span> <br /> <br />Yes. <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">That's why.</span> <br /> <br />Is Shell the host's first or last name? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Yes.</span> <br /> <br />So is he an alien or what? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Shell likes to think of himself as a Man of Leisure.</span> <br /> <br />What did he do before he became a talk show host? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Jenga salesman.</span> <br /> <br />What can you tell me about Shell's personal life? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Roofies and blackmail.</span> <br /> <br />Are the new episodes broadcast in HD? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">No.</span> <br /> <br />Do you even know what HD stands for? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Yes, but this is a family show.</span> <br /> <br />How many seasons has the Shell Show been on? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Almost 28. 29 if you count that year on the Federal Penitentiary Closed Circuit TV network.</span> <br /> <br />How come you only have like a season's worth of shows on your website? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">The first 28 seasons were lost in a fire.</span> <br /> <br />A fire? Where was your warehouse located? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">A flamethrower factory.</span> <br /> <br />Why on earth would you keep your tape library in a flamethrower factory?? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Because it was a frikkin' flamethrower factory! How cool is that??</span> <br /> <br />If I write Shell a fan a letter, will he write me back? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Depends. Are you a hot chick?</span> <br /> <br />Uh, sure. <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Will you be sending a naked picture?</span> <br /> <br />No. <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Next question.</span> <br /> <br />What's Shell's e-mail address? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Shell@TheShellShow.com</span> <br /> <br />If I e-mail him, will I get any spam? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Of course not. That influx of Nigerians trying to sell you V!@gr@ is completely coincidental.</span> <br /> <br />Does Nigerian Viagra actually work? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Niger please.</span> <br /> <br />How come you've never had my favorite superhero on the show? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Because your favorite superhero is probably Dazzler.</span><div> <br /></div><div>What's wrong with Dazzler?</div><div style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Let's just say her superpower has less to do with light and more to do with filing successful sexual harassment lawsuits.</div> <div> <br /></div><div>Your press release says that The Shell show is the 17th most popular late night talk show on television, but there aren't that many late night talk shows.</div><div style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Well, it turns out that Nielsen categorizes infomercials as talk shows.</div> <div> <br /></div><div>When will old Shell Shows be released on DVD?</div><div style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Right after the VHS release.</div><div> <br /></div><div>They stopped making VHS's.</div> <div><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Crap. I really need to start reading the trades again. </span> <br /></div><div> <br /></div><div>Is it true that Shell steals most of his jokes from David Letterman?</div><div style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Absolutely not. Shell steals most of his jokes from Carlos Mencia.</div> <div> <br /></div><div>Does The Shell Show ever have musical guests?</div><div style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">We try, but the musicians rarely end up playing anything.</div><div> <br /></div><div>Why?</div><div><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Our studio used to house a meth lab, and the musicians' dressing room was the stockroom. </span> <br /> <br />So there was a meth lab there before your show moved in? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Yeah...before...</span> <br /></div> <div> <br /></div><div>Did you clear the meth out?</div><div style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">It's cheaper to let the musical guests do it.</div><div> <br /></div><div>Is that why you've booked Shania Twain 40 times in the past month?</div><div style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">We don't book her, she just shows up.</div> <div> <br /></div><div>Is it true that Shell is using the show as a cover to smuggle Guatamalan orphan slaves into the country and forcing them to wrestle weasels for snake meat? <br /></div><div style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Of course not. They're not slaves, they're interns. </div><div> <br /></div> <div>What's the difference?</div><div><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">The quality of the snake meat. </span> <br /></div><div> <br /></div><div>Who owns The Shell Show?</div><div><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Kim Jong-il and the good people of North Korea.</span> <br /> <br />So are you broadcasting subliminal Communist messages to your audience? <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Don't be silly.</span> <br /> <br />The great Socialist Revolution will unshackle the oppressed masses and topple the Capitalist pigs of the West! <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Tell it sister.</span> <br /> <br />I think Shell might be the father of my baby. <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Who?</span> <br /> <br />Shell. <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">I think you have the wrong show. This is the FAQ for Dr. Phil. </span> <br /> <br />No it's not, it's The Shell Show. <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">Never heard of it.</span> <br /> <br />It says "The Shell Show" at the top of this page. <br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);">No it doesn't. That says "Dr. Phil."</span> <br /> <br />You're not going to get rid of me that easily. My baby needs diapers and a Ferrari car seat! <br /> <br />Hello? <br /> <br />Hello? <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /></div><div> <br /></div><div> <br /></div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/797429020739617258-8006725311336908569?l=shellshowfaq.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>-o-noreply@blogger.com0